How to train your human, flash fiction

2021.11.29 18:07 gogomere124 How to train your human, flash fiction

Being a professional dragon is a tough gig. Going around burning villages really puts a toll on your mental health. Especially when you have a boss as demanding as mine: by 12:00 am every day, the Boss wants us to have burnt 5 villages, destroyed a major town and somehow killed someone with royal blood. Or else, you’re sacked.
While I’ve become experienced in the industry, the dragon-eat-dragon culture of the job is very stressful. I’ve got kids to feed. Speaking of my kids, they are even more stressful.
When I’m trying to relax after slaying a king, they’re always pestering me about how to breathe 500m fireballs or something stupid like that. I keep telling them that their flame chords aren’t fully developed but they just don’t listen.
So after doing some thinking, I’ve decided it’s time to get a human. Humans aren’t as loyal or loving as tigers but they are quite intelligent for a non-magical species. My colleague says they are capable of performing menial tasks such as sharpening claws, massaging scales and mending wings.
Plus, having a human around is great for the children. It’s important that they get an early taste for how pathetic our enemies truly are. It’ll keep the kids educated while I can sit back with a pint of werewolf blood and actually enjoy my downtime. As the humans would say, I’ll kill two birds with one stone.
The next morning, I flew over to the nearest village and found the place they call a “slave market”. Apparently, that’s where humans go to buy other humans. It seems a bit bizarre to keep your own species as a pet but these humans have always been weird. I waited in line with the other budding human-purchasers, respectfully. As respectful as a dragon can be anyway.
I thought they’d appreciate me observing their odd culture but instead everyone in the queue ran away. At least the slave-owner stood his ground. His complexion ballooned into a putrid red as he cussed me. I tried to negotiate peacefully but the human didn’t seem to understand. He kept spewing swear-words like a drunk ogre. I had lost patience. So, I burnt him.
I scanned the line of trembling humans, bound together by crumbly rope. I picked the biggest one and inspected his features. He seemed strong in body. I gripped him gently, my claws pricking his smooth skin, as I burnt the rest of the humans. As my new human screamed, I felt the urge to cut open his throat and feast upon his organs. Calm down Drake I had to tell myself. The slave-owner and his spineless customers had left me in a dark mood.
I flew back home. My new human kept screaming with a shrillness that my great aunt would be proud of – she’s half banshee. I tried to reassure him that he’s just my pet, not my dinner. The human still kept screaming. I considered whether I should go back and get a new one. This human wants to be eaten. Then I realized that the other humans were either burnt or long fled because of my foolish histrionics. Made miserable by that thought, I sadly cruised home.
The kids were busy feasting on the megalodon I caught this morning. Venus was using her claws to eloquently pick apart her portion of the fish. She’s always been a different sort of dragon, more peaceful and loving. I don’t think that’s a good thing.
However, her little brother is chaos. Carcassa was ravaging the chewy meat with his bare jaws, his teeth doused in dripping blood. He had left out the intestines because he found them too soggy. Carcassa has much of the fire and fury of his ancestors but he must learn to be resourceful. Resourceful enough to know that even soggy intestines can’t be wasted.
Venus was fascinated by the human. “Why does it look so strange?” she said with wide, earnest eyes. Carcassa wasn’t fascinated. He just laughed. “Look at how it screams. It is scared like a baby just out of its egg,” he grinned cruelly.
My son is crude but he’s never been afraid to say what he thinks. Today he was right. The human is a baby. A big annoying baby that won’t stop crying.I was too tired to think further; it’d been a long day. I trudged over the corner of the nest and closed my eyes. The screams slowly faded away until I was in deep sleep.
Literally two minutes later, I was awoken by a scream to trump all screams. “What is it now!” I thundered with tendrils of smoke rising from my nostrils. Venus hovered tentatively towards me. “Carcassa did it! Not me!” she said, gesturing hysterically “He ate the human’s hand to stop it screaming!”.
Carcassa followed with his claws digging deep into the human’s skin, dragging him across the twiggy surface. The human’s left hand was now a stump oozing with slick gore. He was still screaming. “The baby gets what the baby deserved,” Carcassa said with eyes flickering with mischievous fire.
“The baby didn’t deserve it!” Venus screeched indignantly “The baby did nothing to you! Daddy tell him!”. My children flew into a petty squabble, their little wings flapping furiously at each other. Their screams merged with human’s screams and for a moment, it felt like the whole world was screaming right in front of my face.
All I wanted was an evening in peace, away from work. All I wanted is someone to get my kids to shut up. Apparently, that was too much to ask for. In a flash of black fury, I burnt the human until he was roasted. The aroma was pungent yet tempting. “Sweetlings, dinner is served,” I said.
Carcassa sneered while Venus looked mortified. That night, we ate the human (I had to force feed Venus). That cheered me up slightly. The meat had a crispy tanginess, tender with fear. It complemented nicely with the megalodon’s bone marrow. You ought to try it.
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2021.11.29 18:07 uptowndrunk7 Anunciado o Dragão de Ouro futebolista do ano

Anunciado o Dragão de Ouro futebolista do ano submitted by uptowndrunk7 to fcporto [link] [comments]

2021.11.29 18:07 ptowncruiseship Cannot claim rewards through frontier app to trust wallet

When I attempt to claim trust wallet gives me pop up “warning deep link is not supported”..... I have been staking And collecting rewards with frontier through trust for months, never had any issues. Neither app has updated from what I can tell. Sudden and odd. Anyone know any solutions??
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2021.11.29 18:07 Alert-Street Start saving immediately. Visible for $25! join our long term Party

Join us. Just $25 a month immediately! Long term group.
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2021.11.29 18:07 alphacheese Rich Bisaccia says Darren Waller and Carl Nassib are "week-to-week." Raiders are somewhat optimistic about Nick Kwiatkoski possibly returning this week.

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2021.11.29 18:07 chitown160 How create subfolders permission in QuTS hero to work with SMB access.

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2021.11.29 18:07 Realyuc My friends juicy ass

sethsass is a subreddit dedicated to my friends juicy ass, please join I would love for him to get the attention he deserves
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2021.11.29 18:07 Nubras Bought house two months ago and need to sell - how do I best reduce transaction costs?

Hello everyone,
I recently bought a home in Kansas City, MO that I quite like and would have been happy living in until the end of my days. Unfortunately, or fortunately, a job opportunity came up that I cannot turn down and I am now finding myself in a position of needing to sell my house only two months after having bought it.
I have made some repairs since I moved in and can justify listing a bit higher than what I paid, but there's no way to get around it - I don't think I'll be able to sell it for 106% of my initial purchase price and draw even on commissions.
Which is why am here soliciting the advice of professionals: can y'all please tell me what you'd tell me if I were your client? Assuming that you can do so without violating your ethical standard.
I've talked to one of the many "I'll buy your house for cash" mailers I've gotten since I moved in and the fellow was really nice but told me he'd not be able to buy it because it'd be hard to make additional upgrades to sell for a profit.
I've got a meeting scheduled with a Redfin agent this week and hope that a marginally lower commission will make it hurt less. FSBO seems like a nightmare but I might consider it.
So, again, could any one of you please tell me if there are other things I should consider?
Thank you for reading my post!
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2021.11.29 18:07 haber-trend Sıcak! | KOÜ'de eğitime lodos tatili #KocaeliÜniversitesi #SadettinHülagü son saatin en çok aranan 16. trend haberi oldu ve an itibarıyla 3 gazetede yer alıyor.

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2021.11.29 18:07 MEGASHARK25098 hmmm

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2021.11.29 18:07 heyalexa69 Does this mean the next release will be the Doggy DAO👀

Does this mean the next release will be the Doggy DAO👀 submitted by heyalexa69 to SHIBArmy [link] [comments]

2021.11.29 18:07 anonymousanonymous62 Been using a nose sub for almost a week now. I dont rlly see any results so is there anything I could do to speed up the process or does anyone know of any nose excersizes I could do?

Been using a nose sub for almost a week now. I dont rlly see any results so is there anything I could do to speed up the process or does anyone know of any nose excersizes I could do? submitted by anonymousanonymous62 to Subliminal [link] [comments]

2021.11.29 18:07 Jiuopp99 100-Year-Old Way To Filter Rainwater In A Barrel

During our boiling, broiling, blistering summer of 2012 here in the Missouri Ozarks, water was a topic of conversation wherever we went. Creeks and ponds dried up (some never recovered) and the water table dropped, forcing a few neighbors to have their well pumps lowered or to even have deeper wells drilled.
Many folks shared memories of rain barrels, cisterns, hand pumps and drawing water with a well bucket as a child, usually on grandpa and grandma’s farm. Some said they’d never want to rely again on those old-time methods of getting water. But, at least they knew how it was done.
It seems we have lost much practical knowledge in the last 50 or so years because we thought we’d never need it again. Now we are scrambling to relearn those simple know-hows.
A tattered, 4-inch thick, 1909 book I happily secured for $8 in a thrift store reveals, among umpteen-thousand other every-day skills, how to make homemade water filters. The instructions in “Household Discoveries and Mrs. Curtis’s Cookbook” are quite basic as everyone had a rain barrel back then and presumably knew how to filter rainwater. Now, 104 years later, I am thankful the authors had the foresight to preserve their knowledge for us, and pointed out that rainwater collected in barrels from a roof is a necessity in some locations, but also is best for laundry and “often more wholesome for drinking purposes than hard water.”
The “wholesome” observation applies to plants, too. I noticed during our 6-week dry spell (not a drop of rain) that I was only able to keep my vegetables alive with the garden hose – until our well, too, began sucking air. The pitiful potato, tomato and bean plants actually seemed petrified, like faded plastic decorations. Then, after a 2-hour rain shower, the plants miraculously leapt to life – vibrant, green and THRIVING. I did, too.
In early June last year, my husband surprised me with a 425-gallon water tank so I could water with nutritious rainwater, although it was August before any measure of water was in the tank. When the elusive rains finally paused briefly overhead, I was out in it with my 2-gallon watering can, running and sloshing the water like a crazy woman onto our neglected trees far up the hill.
100-year-old instructions For gardening, rainwater is, naturally, best unfiltered. But, for household use, the vintage book says the following instructions yield a cheap and easy way to make a filter just as good as a patent filter costing 10 times as much:
“Take a new vinegar barrel or an oak tub that has never been used, either a full cask or half size. Stand it on end raised on brick or stone from the ground. Insert a faucet near the bottom. Make a tight false bottom 3 or 4 inches from the bottom of the cask. Perforate this with small gimlet holes, and cover it with a piece of clean white canvas.
“Place on this false bottom a layer of clean pebbles 3 or 4 inches in thickness; next, a layer of clean washed sand and gravel; then coarsely granulated charcoal about the size of small peas. Charcoal made from hard maple is the best.
“After putting in a half bushel or so, pound it down firmly. Then put in more until the tub is filled within 1 foot of the top. Add a 3-inch layer of pebbles; and throw over the top a piece of canvas as a strainer. This canvas strainer can be removed and washed occasionally and the cask can be dumped out, pebbles cleansed and charcoal renewed every spring and fall, or once a year may be sufficient.
“This filter may be set in the cellar and used only for drinking water. Or it may be used in time of drought for filtering stagnant water, which would otherwise be unpalatable, for the use of stock. This also makes a good cider filter for the purpose of making vinegar. The cider should first be passed through cheese cloth to remove all coarser particles.
“Or a small cheap filter may be made from a flower pot. A fine sponge may be inserted in the hole and the pot filled about as directed for the above filter. It may be placed in the top of a jar, which will receive the filtered water.”
Free online reading My copy of the 1,000-page book is stained and worn, I assume from many years of use in the house, barn and garden. Even though I could read the bright, white online version, I treasure my rag-tag book and am hanging onto it. I still have much to learn.
To read the free online version of Household Discoveries and Mrs. Curtis’s Cookbook that covers everything from how to eradicate vermin, salt fish and build a 5-hole privy, visit Household Discoveries on Open Information on filtering water begins on page 108.
Linda Holliday lives in the Missouri Ozarks where she and her husband formedWell WaterBoy Products, a company devoted to helping people live more self-sufficiently off grid, and invented the WaterBuck Pump. A former newspaper editor and reporter, Holliday blogs for Mother Earth News, sharing her skills in modern homesteading, organic gardening and human-powered devices.
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2021.11.29 18:07 Scootdoz Suggestions for Living Room Arrangement

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2021.11.29 18:07 SE_to_NW Exclusive: Chinese province targets journalists, foreign students with planned new surveillance system

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2021.11.29 18:07 M0rphMan What happened to zilbra?

I believe zilbra was the one who used mulungu to get off opiates. Was just curious where he disappeared to because wanting to use mulungu to taper off kratom or get my dose down to a more manageable dose.
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2021.11.29 18:07 IamGoldenSunshine Master Jean but now she's happy

Master Jean but now she's happy submitted by IamGoldenSunshine to JeanMains [link] [comments]

2021.11.29 18:07 TheFrontPorchSpider Mad Mumbo

Since Mumbo has been kicked from CEO of botem, and sees the moon getting big, and then decides to make a cult…
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2021.11.29 18:07 LibertarianLibertas [LFA] Norstine Xilperios Half-Elf Sorlock 5e

Here is Norstine's backstory:
Growing up in an community of half-elf families was easy, we were all outcasts, my mother an elf and my father a human were shunned by both groups as each side in that area hated each other. Thankfully there were small communities of people who were just like us. Unfortunately as with all mixed elf-human families, the human ends up dying. My father died when I was 40, my mother was 346 at the time. I never really felt as though I had a place outside the community. We lived near a set of ruins that had been there longer than my mother knew of them. It was generally accepted that we were not to enter that area. Rumors of human explorers disappearing in there were enough to keep most away, but not the curious me. I met the an Archfey (The Desolate..minor CN archfey who is slowly changing Norstine's alignment from CG to CN) of noble Eladrin origin, this Archfey no longer went by name (Norstine is in the hunt to find out who his archfey is really), but was once a dark elf who made his way to the feywild where he was forever changed. He became a mercenary and died in the castle I was now exploring. We bonded over the similarities of not belonging anywhere and our desire to explore. With that bonding he became my patron. Upon finding out I had an Archfey patron I was sent away from the community, now not belonging anywhere at all. I set out to gain knowledge and improve my abilities. In my travels I found that going monastery to temple to schools were my best source of knowledge and I gained the title of Traveling Sage. I learned a number of languages and honed my abilities.
He wears Leather Armor and a cloak and carries a Quarterstaff.
ALIGNMENT Chaotic Good
EYES Golden
SIZE Medium
FAITH The Desolate
HAIR Golden
SKIN Light Tan
AGE 60
WEIGHT 160lb.
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2021.11.29 18:07 Vysncz Even mizkif likes teddy fresh

Even mizkif likes teddy fresh
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2021.11.29 18:07 lDarkLawl Shes my favorite character tho c:

Shes my favorite character tho c: submitted by lDarkLawl to KanojoOkarishimasu [link] [comments]

2021.11.29 18:07 gofastricky30660 Thick and Big!

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2021.11.29 18:07 SakiOmoto Guess where this is?

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2021.11.29 18:07 Raza_Sama Stone Ocean opening BUT it's Miss Nagatoro!

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2021.11.29 18:07 kuromimelo Wtt for any ganyu account!

Wtt for any ganyu account!
Ar 50, asia server blessin moon:33 days primogems: 2.8k
guaranteed eb: pages 9/10 (got deleted)
im looking for any account that needs to have ganyu! (server pref is na/eu server but accepting asia tho)
mlf. ganyu
i have some proofs i am trusted for you go first but if you are uncomfortable just tell me and we can do using mm!
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